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Emotional abuse is the ongoing emotional maltreatment or emotional neglect of a child. It's sometimes called psychological abuse and can seriously damage a child's emotional health and development. Emotional abuse can involve deliberately trying to scare or humiliate a child or isolating or ignoring them.

 

"When I was 9, my mum met a new man. At first I really liked him and looked up to him but things started to change shortly after he moved in with us. My mum and I were really close and I think he was jealous. He was drinking a lot and started being mentally and sometimes physically abusive towards me.

"He would just start picking on me for little things, or even nothing. I did my best to avoid him, but if I couldn't, he would just start yelling at me.

 

"I was set a rule that I only ever went into the kitchen for food, at certain times – and if I missed that slot, I went without – but I was too afraid to go downstairs in case he chased into the kitchen after me as he always did. Bawling at me, backing me into the corner until I was whimpering and crying, he would just laugh at me and walk away, satisfied by my distress.

 

"Despite all of this, the hardest thing for me was seeing how he behaved towards my mum. He would shout at her about me and they would have huge arguments and I just couldn't handle it.

"I was shut up in my room, hearing his aggression, fearing for my mum's safety, and it felt like it was all my fault. My name was brought into everything and he made sure I heard every word.

 

"I started escaping from the house to go to the phone box, where I would will myself to phone ChildLine but I always chickened out. Eventually things just got too much. I was having thoughts about killing myself and knew I had to speak to someone so I finally plucked up the courage and called.

"After ringing a few times and speaking to different people I started talking to someone called Jane at the base in Rhyl and we got on really well. Although she couldn't change what was happening to me, just knowing that she was there to listen made me feel like I was less alone and brought me back from the brink. Knowing that I would speak to her every week at an arranged time gave me something to hold on to and look forward to.

 

"Around this time I was also being bullied at school, and when I went to talk to the head of upper school about it I ended up telling her about the situation at home. With her help I started seeing a counsellor but I was still calling ChildLine because I often found it easier to talk to Jane. The difference was that I could call her when I was in the middle of my situation at home instead of being detached from it.

 

"In the home environment I had no-one: I was prevented from speaking to my mum. He would come charging upstairs and sometimes literally pull her from my room, or burst in and demand to know what was happening. I felt so isolated. Talking to Jane on the phone was like having her in the house with me, the only time I felt safe whilst I was there.

 

"Jane made me feel like I was important, like I did actually matter, unlike how my mum's partner made me feel: bad and worthless. Talking with her helped me keep my head pretty straight. With my mum's partner getting inside my head, setting me up and making things up, I almost started to doubt myself, and question whether I had done something wrong, when in actual fact it was him, planting things and telling lies.

 

"Jane even praised me for achievements and little things I did. That made a big difference because it wasn't really coming from anywhere else; I know my mum would have wanted to, but she had to tiptoe around just as I did. I really felt like Jane was a friend, although I understood and fully respected her limits and her role. Being able to talk to someone meant a lot to me, even when we just talked about life in general and basic things.

 

"I was scared about discussing how suicidal I felt with anybody in case they told my mum, or hospitalised me, but I felt able to talk to ChildLine about it and Jane always asked if I wanted her to contact somebody. Before any call was ended, she would always make sure I was ok, and set up when we would speak again.

 

"We eventually moved house to get away from my mum's ex-partner but what he did will stay with me forever. I don't call ChildLine on a regular basis anymore but I still keep in touch with some of the people at the base in North Wales. I'll always be grateful to them because without ChildLine I don't know what I would have done. "

Emotional abuse

 

Emotional abuse refers to the psychological and social aspects of child abuse; it is the most common form of child abuse.

 

Many parents are emotionally abusive without being violent or sexually abusive, However, emotional abuse invariably accompanies physical and sexual abuse. Some parents who are emotionally abusive parents practice forms of child-rearing that are orientated towards fulfilling their own needs and goals, rather than those of their children. Their parenting style may be characterised by overt aggression towards their children, including shouting and intimidation, or they may manipulate their children using more subtle means, such as emotional blackmail.

 

Emotional abuse does not only occur in the home. Children can be emotionally abused by teachers and other adults in a position of power over the child. Children can also be emotionally abused by other children in the form of "bullying". Chronic emotional abuse in schools is a serious cause of harm to victimised children and warrants ongoing active intervention.

There often aren’t any obvious physical symptoms of emotional abuse or neglect but you may spot signs in a child's actions or emotions.  Changes in emotions are a normal part of growing up, so it can be really difficult to tell if a child is being emotionally abused.

 

 

Babies and pre-school children who are being emotionally abused or neglected may:

  • be overly-affectionate towards strangers or people they haven’t known for very long

  • lack confidence or become wary or anxious

  • not appear to have a close relationship with their parent, e.g. when being taken to or collected from nursery etc.

  • be aggressive or nasty towards other children and animals.

  •  

Older children may:

  • use language, act in a way or know about things that you wouldn’t expect them to know for their age

  • struggle to control strong emotions or have extreme outbursts

  • seem isolated from their parents

  • lack social skills or have few, if any, friends.

Things you may notice

 

If you're worried that a child is being abused, watch out for any unusual behaviour. 

 

  • withdrawn

  • suddenly behaves differently

  • anxious

  • clingy

  • depressed

  • aggressive

  • problems sleeping

  • eating disorders

  • wets the bed

  • soils clothes

  • takes risks

  • misses school

  • changes in eating habits

  • obsessive behaviour

  • nightmares

  • drugs

  • alcohol

  • self-harm

  • thoughts about suicide

Effects of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is often seen as less serious than other forms of abuse and neglect because it has no immediate physical effects.

 

But over time emotional abuse can have serious long term effects on a child’s social, emotional and physical health and development.

 

A/.  A child who is being emotionally abused may develop risk taking behaviours such as stealing, bullying and running away. 

 

B/.  Emotional abuse can increase the risk of a child developing mental health problems, eating disorders or can lead to them self-harming.

 

The experiences that a child has when they’re a baby or toddler, can affect them throughout their life. Some research suggests there’s a link between emotional abuse in early years and a child developing problems with eating or language. As a child gets older, or the abuse continues, these effects can become more serious. 

 

Teenagers who have been emotionally abused over a long period of time are more likely to self-harm and experience depression than children who are not emotionally abused (Shaffer et al, 2009).

 

C/.  Emotional abuse can restrict a child's emotional development, including their ability to feel and express a full range of emotions appropriately, and to control their emotions.

 

Children who grow up in homes where they are constantly berated and belittled may experience self-confidence and anger problems.

 

Children who don’t get the love and care they need from their parents may find it difficult to develop and maintain healthy relationships with other people later in life.

 

 Adults who have been emotionally abused as children have a much lower satisfaction with life and higher level of depression and health problems compared to those who have experienced a different form of child abuse (Gavin, 2011).

 

D/.  Emotional abuse can cause a child to change the way that they behave. They might not care how they act or what happens to them, this is also known as negative impulse behaviour. Or they may try to make people dislike them, which is called self-isolating behaviour.

 

Some research has also shown a link between emotional abuse and attention deficit disorders.

After emotional abuse is estableshed:

 

Once emotional abuse has been identified, then work can begin to protect the child and reduce the harmful effects they have experienced.

 

Treatment needs to:

 

1.  focus on the child’s safety and welfare

2.  identify the factors that have contributed to the emotional abuse

3.  address the relationships and the environment that surrounds a child

4.  work to reduce the impact they have on the child

5.  increase their resilience to the effects of future abuse.

 

We don’t have much evidence about what treatment works (Glaser, 2011). But there have been promising results with two of the therapeutic interventions highlighted by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University:

 

*  Attachment and Biobehavioral Catch-Up (ABC) 

*  Intervention and the Multidimensional Treatment Foster Care for Preschoolers 

 

Both of these aim to promote healthy attachment and positive relationships by working with children and caregivers in intensive sessions and weekly playgroups.

 

Play therapy has also been shown to have a positive effect on children who have been subjected to emotional abuse (Doyle, 2001; Landreth, 2002).

 

Any services that help to strengthen the parent-child relationship will also help to keep children safe from emotional abuse.

Suffer The Little Children

Child Abuse

EMOTIONAL ABUSE 

The following is a true story of a little girl telling her story of the emotional abuse she suffered through from the time she was 9 until her and her mother moved out to get away from him.

Who is affected?

Children from any background can be at risk of emotional abuse. But some children are more at risk than others – particularly when the family is under additional stress or pressure like:

 

  • mental health problems

  • domestic abuse

  • drug or alcohol addiction

  • relationship problems or marital break-ups

  • family arguments and disputes

  • financial problems or unemployment

  • immigration, moving away from friends and family or being isolated

  • poverty

  • language problems because of communication difficulties or not speaking English

  •  

Emotional abuse doesn’t just happen at home. Children can also be emotionally abused by adults at school, sports or clubs but this isn’t very common.

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