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Family Violance

Family Violance

What Is Family Violance?

Family violence, also called domestic violence, intimate partner violence, relationship violence or inter-personal violence, is a pattern of intentionally violent or controlling behavior used by a person against a family member or intimate partner to gain and maintain power and control over that person, during and/or after the relationship. An intimate partner may be a married or dating couple or joined in domestic partnership.

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Types of Domestic Abuse

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.

 

Other terms for domestic violence include intimate partner violence, battering, relationship abuse, spousal abuse, or family violence.

Some examples of “intentionally violent or controlling behavior” include:

 

1./  control over someone’s schedule

2./  doesn’t allow access to the phone and/or monitors calls

3./  limits use of the car or doesn’t allow a car

4./  persistent calling at work to check up or not allowing someone to work

5./  doesn’t permit use of birth control

6./  name calling and / or threatening family, friends, pets

7./  destruction of property

Notice that the above examples are non-physical. “Intentionally violent or controlling behavior” can include physical abuse (hitting, punching, strangling, etc.) but does not have to. Other types of “intentionally violent or controlling behavior” include sexual abuse, economic or financial abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, stalking and isolation. Notice also the timeframe mentioned in the definition, “and/or after.” The violent or controlling behavior may not (and usually does not) end after the relationship is over. This is one reason that “leaving” does not mean that the abuse is over.

Why do they stay? In addition to leaving not being an end to abuse, there are a lot of reasons why women stay. Here are some of those reasons:

 

1.  fear

2.  love

3.  lack of outside resources to support her/himself (job, money, friends, family, etc.)

4.  immigration status

5.  cultural considerations

6.  religion

7.  inability to speak English well or well enough to be understood

 

It’s important to remember that the abused person need only have one reason for staying. But, it doesn’t matter what it is because no one deserves to be abused.

No one deserves to be abused. And, no one, except the abuser is responsible for the abuse.The abuser is making a choice to abuse someone. It isn’t “just the way that they are” or a relationship “gone bad” —these are excuses. Domestic violence is a repeated choice that the abuser is responsible for. When one person is afraid of the other, a dynamic of power and control enters the relationship. Once that happens, there isn’t any going back. The relationship cannot be restored to the way that it once was.

 

People who abuse others do so in order to feel better about themselves. While they may be mentally ill, the abuse is not a result of their illness. Similarly, they may also be an addict or alcoholic but their addiction is not the reason for the abuse.

Physical Abuse:  Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc are types of physical abuse. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.

 

Sexual Abuse:  Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

 

Emotional Abuse:  Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

 

Economic Abuse:  Is defined as making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.

 

Psychological Abuse:  Elements of psychological abuse include  - but are not limited to - causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

 

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.

 

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

Physical Abuse

Sexual Abuse

Economic Abuse

Psychological Abuse

Emotional Abuse

The statistics around domestic violence are staggering: in the United States, one in every four women experience severe physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lifetimes. Over 15 million children witness violence in their homes each year. Most incidents are never reported to the police.

Though exact legal definitions vary depending on where you are located, domestic violence can generally be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior characterized by the intent to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner or other family members. The abuse can be established over time and in most cases, it begins subtly with insults, a shove or by alienating a survivor from family and friends. With time, the abusive behavior can be more frequent and increase in severity.

 

Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, economic and/or psychological abuse. It affects people of all ages, sexual orientations, religions, genders, socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels, and takes place in all kinds of relationships. Domestic violence is a crime rooted in power and control—it is never "caused" by making someone angry or upset. It is never justifiable or excusable, nor is it ever the fault of a survivor. All people deserve to be in healthy and loving relationships free of violence.

 

At Joyful Heart, we believe in the inherent health and resiliency of survivors. We understand how difficult the pain of these experiences can be, and we honor the strength, courage and time it takes to survive and heal. It is our sincerest hope and intention that the information and resources in this section—and throughout the rest of this site—can help along that journey.

Families or individuals who have experienced domestic violence are in the process of healing both physically and emotionally from multiple traumas. These traumas can have various effects on the mind, body and spirit. It is natural to experience these, and acknowledging the effects can be an important first step in embarking on a process towards restoration and healing.

 

People who are exposed to domestic violence often experience physical, mental or spiritual shifts that can endure and worsen if they are not addressed. According to a study done by the Centers for Disease Control, nearly three in every 10 women—about 32 million—and one in 10 men in the United States who experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner reported at least one measured impact or effect related to forms of violent behavior in that relationship.

 

Even though survivors may experience similar types of abuse, the response to trauma may vary from person to person. Many factors can influence how a person responds to short- and long-term effects of the abuse, such as the frequency of abusive incidents, degree of severity and the effects on physical health. The overall impact of domestic violence also depends on the individual’s natural reactions to stress and ways of coping with stressful situations. Other factors can include age in which the trauma occurred, previous exposure to unrelated traumatic incidents and extent of therapy or timing of intervention. 

 

It’s important to know that the effects of domestic violence can be overwhelming to experience, and even to learn about. It’s common for someone in an abusive relationship to not recall many aspects of their personality before being abused, especially if they have been exposed to violence for an extended period of time. Sometimes, it may seem as if the violence defines their identity. But know the effects of domestic violence are possible to overcome, and it is possible to break the cycle of violence. Recovery from exposure to domestic violence is possible, and although it requires addressing painful realities, it also entails discovering new inner strengths, a process that needs time, space and safety to begin.

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