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SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN

EMOTIONAL Abuse

Psalm 34:17-20

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. TheLord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

Emotional abuse of a child

is commonly defined as a pattern of behavior by parents orcaregivers that can seriously interfere with a child’s cognitive, emotional, psychological or socialdevelopment. Some parents may emotionally and psychologically harm their children becauseof stress, poor parenting skills, social isolation, and lack of available resources or inappropriateexpectations of their children. They may emotionally abuse their children because the parents orcaregivers were emotionally abused during their own childhood. Straus and Field report thatpsychological aggression is a pervasive trait of American families: "verbal attacks on children,like physical attacks, are so prevalent as to be just about universal." A 2008 study by English,et al.found that fathers and mothers were equally likely to be verbally aggressive towards theirchildren.

The following is a true story of a little girl telling her story of the emotional abuse she suffered through from the time she was 9 until her and her mother moved out to get away from him.

Emotional abuse is the ongoing emotional maltreatment or emotional neglect of a child. It's sometimes called psychological abuse and can seriously damage a child's emotional health and development. Emotional abuse can involve deliberately trying to scare or humiliate a child or isolating or ignoring them.                                                                  

 A True Story: "When I was 9, my mum met a new man. At first I really liked him and looked up to him but things started to change shortly after he moved in with us. My mum and I were really close and I think he was jealous. He was drinking a lot and started being mentally and sometimes physically abusive towards me."He would just start picking on me for little things, or even nothing. I did my best to avoid him, but if I couldn't, he would just start yelling at me.

I was set a rule that I only ever went into the kitchen for food, at certain times – and if I missed that slot, I went without – but I was too afraid to go downstairs in case he chased into the kitchen after me as he always did. Bawling at me, backing me into the corner until I was whimpering and crying, he would just laugh at me and walk away, satisfied by my distress.

 

"Despite all of this, the hardest thing for me was seeing how he behaved towards my mum. He would shout at her about me and they would have huge arguments and I just couldn't handle it.                                                                                  

 

 "I was shut up in my room, hearing his aggression, fearing for my mum's safety, and it felt like it was all my fault. My name was brought into everything and he made sure I heard every word. "I started escaping from the house to go to the phone box, where I would will myself to phone ChildLine but I always chickened out. Eventually things just got too much. I was having thoughts about killing myself and knew I had to speak to someone so I finally plucked up the courage and called.

"I was shut up in my room, hearing his aggression, fearing for my mum's safety, and it felt like it was all my fault. My name was brought into everything and he made sure I heard every word.

 

"I started escaping from the house to go to the phone box, where I would will myself to phone ChildLine but I always chickened out. Eventually things just got too much. I was having thoughts about killing myself and knew I had to speak to someone so I finally plucked up the courage and called.                    

 

"After ringing a few times and speaking to different people I started talking to someone called Jane at the base in Rhyl and we got on really well. Although she couldn't change what was happening to me, just knowing that she was there to listen made me feel like I was less alone and brought me back from the brink. Knowing that I would speak to her every week at an arranged time gave me something to hold on to and look forward to.

"Around this time I was also being bullied at school, and when I went to talk to the head of upper school about it I ended up telling her about the situation at home. With her help I started seeing a counsellor but I was still calling ChildLine because I often found it easier to talk to Jane. The difference was that I could call her when I was in the middle of my situation at home instead of being detached from it.

 

"In the home environment I had no-one: I was prevented from speaking to my mum. He would come charging upstairs and sometimes literally pull her from my room, or burst in and demand to know what was happening. I felt so isolated. Talking to Jane on the phone was like having her in the house with me, the only time I felt safe whilst I was there.                                                                                            

"Jane made me feel like I was important, like I did actually matter, unlike how my mum's partner made me feel: bad and worthless. Talking with her helped me keep my head pretty straight. With my mum's partner getting inside my head, setting me up and making things up, I almost started to doubt myself, and question whether I had done something wrong, when in actual fact it was him, planting things and telling lies.

 

"Jane even praised me for achievements and little things I did. That made a big difference because it wasn't really coming from anywhere else; I know my mum would have wanted to, but she had to tiptoe around just as I did. I really felt like Jane was a friend, although I understood and fully respected her limits and her role. Being able to talk to someone meant a lot to me, even when we just talked about life in general and basic things.

 

"I was scared about discussing how suicidal I felt with anybody in case they told my mum, or hospitalised me, but I felt able to talk to ChildLine about it and Jane always asked if I wanted her to contact somebody. Before any call was ended, she would always make sure I was ok, and set up when we would speak again.                                                                         

 

"We eventually moved house to get away from my mum's ex-partner but what he did will stay with me forever. I don't call ChildLine on a regular basis anymore but I still keep in touch with some of the people at the base in North Wales. I'll always be grateful to them because without ChildLine I don't know what I would have done. "

Babies  And  pre-school

Emotional abuse does not only occur in the home. Children can be emotionally abused by teachers and other adults in a position of power over the child. Children can also be emotionally abused by other children in the form of "bullying". Chronic emotional abuse in schools is a serious cause of harm to victimised children and warrants ongoing active intervention.

 

There often aren’t any obvious physical symptoms of emotional abuse or neglect but you may spot signs in a child's actions or emotions. Changes in emotions are a normal part of growing up, so it can be really difficult to tell if a child is being emotionally abused.

Emotional abuse does not only occur in the home. Children can be emotionally abused by teachers and other adults in a position of power over the child. Children can also be emotionally abused by other children in the form of "bullying". Chronic emotional abuse in schools is a serious cause of harm to victimised children and warrants ongoing active intervention.

 

There often aren’t any obvious physical symptoms of emotional abuse or neglect but you may spot signs in a child's actions or emotions. Changes in emotions are a normal part of growing up, so it can be really difficult to tell if a child is being emotionally abused.

1.  be overly-affectionate towards strangers or people they haven’t known for very long

2.  lack confidence or become wary or anxious

3.  not appear to have a close relationship with their parent, e.g. when being taken to or collected from nursery etc.

4.  be aggressive or nasty towards other children and animals.

Older  children   may:

1.  mental health problems

2. domestic abuse

3. drug or alcohol addiction

4. relationship problems or marital break-ups

5.  family arguments and disputes

6.  financial problems or unemployment

7. immigration, moving away from friends and family or being isolated

8. poverty 

9. language problems because of communication difficulties or not speaking English   

10. Emotional abuse doesn’t just happen at home. Children can also be emotionally abused by adults at school, sports or clubs but this isn’t very common.

1.  use language, act in a way or know about things that you wouldn’t

     expect them to know for their age

2.  struggle to control strong emotions or have extreme outbursts

3.  seem isolated from their parents

4.  lack social skills or have few, if any, friends.

Things  you  May  notice

If you're worried that a child is being abused, watch out for any unusual behaviour.

Babies and pre-school children who are being emotionally abused or neglected may:

* withdrawn * suddenly behaves differently * anxious * clingy * depressed * aggressive  * problems sleeping * eating disorders * wets the bed * soils clothes * takes risks * misses school * changes in eating habits * obsessive * behaviour * nightmares * drugs * alcohol * self-harm * thoughts about suicide

Effects  of  emotional  Abuse

Emotional abuse is often seen as less serious than other forms of abuse and neglect because it has no immediate physical effects. But over time emotional abuse can have serious long term effects on a child’s social, emotional and physical health and development.  

A/. A child who is being emotionally abused may develop risk taking behaviours such as stealing, bullying and running away.

 

B/. Emotional abuse can increase the risk of a child developing mental health problems, eating disorders or can lead to them self-harming.  

 

The experiences that a child has when they’re a baby or toddler, can affect them throughout their life. Some research suggests there’s a link between emotional abuse in early years and a child developing problems with eating or language. As a child gets older, or the abuse continues, these effects can become more serious. Teenagers who have been emotionally abused over a long period of time are more likely to self-harm and experience depression than children who are not emotionally abused (Shaffer et al, 2009).                                                                    

 

C/. Emotional abuse can restrict a child's emotional development, including their ability to feel and express a full range of emotions appropriately, and to control their emotions.

 

Children who grow up in homes where they are constantly berated and belittled may experience self-confidence and anger problems.        

 

Children who don’t get the love and care they need from their parents may find it difficult to develop and maintain healthy relationships with other people later in life.

 

Adults who have been emotionally abused as children have a much lower satisfaction with life and higher level of depression and health problems compared to those who have experienced a different form of child abuse (Gavin, 2011).                                                       

 

D/. Emotional abuse can cause a child to change the way that they behave. They might not care how they act or what happens to them, this is also known as negative impulse behaviour. Or they may try to make people dislike them, which is called self-isolating behaviour.

 

Some research has also shown a link between emotional abuse and attention deficit disorders.

After   emotional   abuse   is estableshed:

Once emotional abuse has been identified, then work can begin to protect the child and reduce the harmful effects they have experienced. Treatment needs to:

1.  focus on the child’s safety and welfare

2.   identify the factors that have contributed to the emotional abuse

3.  address the relationships and the environment that surrounds a child

4.  work to reduce the impact they have on the child5. increase their resilience to the effects of future abuse.  

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We don’t have much evidence about what treatment works (Glaser, 2011). But there have been promising results with two of the therapeutic interventions highlighted by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University:                                                                         

 

* Attachment and Biobehavioral Catch-Up (ABC)

 

* Intervention and the Multidimensional Treatment Foster Care for Preschoolers

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Both of these aim to promote healthy attachment and positive relationships by working with children and caregivers in intensive sessions and weekly playgroups.

 

Play therapy has also been shown to have a positive effect on children who have been subjected to emotional abuse (Doyle, 2001; Landreth, 2002).

 

Any services that help to strengthen the parent-child relationship will also help to keep children safe from emotional abuse.

Who  is  Affected?  Children!

You don't have to hit

to abuse!

Emotional Rape?

What is Emotional Rape?

Emotional rape has many similarities to physical rape, particularly date rape. Date rape involves the sexual use of someone's body without consent. In a like manner, emotional rape is the use of someone's higher emotions, such as love, without consent. However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in what the perpetrator doesn't say... his or her hidden agenda. Emotional rape is common in, but not limited to, male/female relationships. Victims of emotional rape can be both men and women. Both forms of rape can be very devastating and require specialized programs for recovery.

Several major obstacles are encountered in recovery from emotional rape. The first is that the victim knows that something bad happened, but doesn't know what or why. And as in date rape, a big issue is that of trust. Victims often feel that they will never be able to love or trust anyone again. Other obstacles to recovery, again similar to date rape, are the re-victimization of the victim by friends, family, and society and the subsequent tendencies toward self-blame and silence about what happened. The book addresses these concerns as well as many more in the five chapters on recovery.

Colliding Emotions

It is no exaggeration to describe emotional rape as the most underrated trauma of our age; the effects are powerful and potentially destructive.

Victims like Cheryl are forced to cope with a tangle of conflicting emotions, experiencing all the traumatic after effects of both rape and loss.

This confused pattern of emotional responses is very similar to that experienced by victims of sexual rape. 

It's a pattern commonly identified as post-traumatic rape syndrome, although victims of emotional rape will be unaware that this is what is happening to them.

These colliding emotions become so entangled that it is extremely difficult - and would be a serious misrepresentation - to attempt to categorize them individually. They are inseparable. 

However, it is possible to identify certain generalized feelings which characterize the emotional aftermath. Principally, these are:

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  • Denial

  • Isolation

  • Feeling 'Had' or 'Used'

  • Loneliness

  • Rage and Obsession

  • Inability to Love or Trust

  • Loss of Self-Esteem

  • Confusion

  • Erratic Behavior

  • Hidden and Delayed Reactions

  • Fear and Anxiety

 

Each of these is considered in detail in this chapter, as are the typical physical and material after effects, so victims will understand that what they are going through is normal, that they are not alone, and that they are not insane. Later chapters examine how to recover from many of these symptoms.

I know I'm some body, God don't make no junk!

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