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Parents, watch for symptoms and get help for your kids.

What is Goth?

Cutting isn't a new practice or foreign to parents. About every parent has heard of it, but never expects their child of doing it.  Cutting isn't even a suicide attempt, though it makes people think it is.  Cutting is a form of self-injury -- the person is literally making small cuts on his or her body, usually the arms and legs. It's difficult for many people to understand. But for kids, cutting helps them control their emotional pain, psychologists say.

This practice has long existed in secrecy. Cuts can be easily hidden under long sleeves. But in recent years, movies and TV shows have drawn attention to it -- prompting greater numbers of teens and tweens (ages 9 to 14) to try it.

"We can go to any school and ask, 'Do you know anyone who cuts?' Yeah, everybody knows someone," says Karen Conterio, author of the book, Bodily Harm. Twenty years ago, Conterio founded a treatment program for self-injurers called SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives at Linden Oak Hospital in Naperville, Ill., outside of Chicago.

"Self-harm typically starts at about age 14. However in recent years we've seen kids as young as 11 or 12. As more and more kids become aware of it, more kids are trying it." There has also been plenty of 30-year-olds doing it. "There are those who keep doing it for years and years, and don't really know how to quit."

 

The problem is particularly common among girls. However boys do it, too. It is an accepted part of the "Goth" ( Goth is someone who likes the darker side of things. They usually listen to death metal and goth music, such as Dismember and Bauhaus.)   Being part of Goth culture may not necessarily mean a kid is unhappy. Kids in the Goth movement are looking for something, some acceptance in an alternative culture. And self-injury is definitely a coping strategy for unhappy kids."

Very often, kids who self-harm themselves have an eating disorder. "They may have a history of sexual, physical, or verbal abuse," Lader adds. "Many are sensitive, perfectionists, overachievers. The self-injury begins as a defense against what's going on in their family, in their lives. They have failed in one area of their lives, so this is a way to get control."  Self-injury can also be a symptom for psychiatric problems like borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

(Schizophrenia symptoms include distorted thoughts, hallucinations, and feelings of fright and paranoia. Psychiatrists evaluate symptoms, tests, and medical history, and prescribe medications and psychotherapy for treatment.)

 

Many kids who self-injure are simply "regular kids" going through the adolescent struggle for self-identity, Lader adds. They're experimenting. "I hate to call it a phase, because I don't want to minimize it. It's kind of like kids who start using drugs, doing dangerous things."

Blunting Emotional Pain

 

Psychiatrists believe that, for kids with emotional problems, self-injury has an effect similar to cocaine and other drugs that release endorphins to create a feel-good feeling.

 

"Yet self-harm is different from taking drugs," Conterio explains. "Anybody can take drugs and feel good. With self-injury, if it works for you, that's an indication that an underlying issue needs be dealt with -- possibly significant psychiatric issues. If you're a healthy person, you might try it, but you won't continue."

Self-harm may start with the breakup of a relationship, as an impulsive reaction. It may start simply out of curiosity. For many kids, it's the result of a repressive home environment, where negative emotions are swept under the carpet, where feelings aren't discussed.

 

"A lot of families give the message that you don't express sadness," says Conterio. It's a myth that this behavior is simply an attention-getter, adds Lader. "There's a [painkiller] effect that these kids get from self-harm. When they are in emotional pain, they literally won't feel that pain as much when they do this to themselves."

What to watch for:

 

1. Small, linear cuts. "The most typical cuts are very linear, straight line, often parallel like railroad ties carved into forearm, the upper arm, sometimes the legs," Rosen tells WebMD. "Some people cut words into themselves. If they're having body image issues, they may cut the word 'fat.' If they're having trouble at school, it may be 'stupid,' 'loser,' 'failure,' or a big 'L.' Those are the things we see pretty regularly."

 

2. Unexplained cuts and scratches, particularly when they appear regularly. "I wish I had a nickel for every time someone says, 'The cat did it,'" says Rosen.

 

3. Mood changes like depression or anxiety, out-of-control behavior, changes in relationships, communication, and school performance. Kids who are unable to manage day-to-day stresses of life are vulnerable to cutting.

 

Over time, the cutting typically escalates -- occurring more often, with more and more cuts each time, said the Dr.  "It takes less provocation for them to cut. It takes more cutting to get the same relief -- much like drug addiction. And, for reasons I can't explain but have heard often enough, the more blood the better. Most of the cutting I see is quite superficial, and looks more like scratches than cuts. It's the sort that when you put pressure on it, it stops the bleeding."

Turning Inward to Heal continued...

 

Circular negative thinking keeps kids from developing self-esteem. "We help them empower themselves, take risks in confrontation, change how they view themselves," says Conterio. "If you can't set limits on someone else's behavior, stand up to them -- you can't like yourself. Once these girls learn to take care of themselves, stand up for what they want, they will like themselves better." "You want them to get to the point where they believe, 'I am somebody, I do have a voice, I can make changes, instead of, 'I'm nobody,'" she says.

Staying Safe

One study of the SAFE program showed that, two years after participating, 75% of patients had a decrease in symptoms of self-injury. An ongoing study is indicating a decrease in hospitalizations and emergency room visits.

 

"We truly believe that if people can continue to make healthy choices and trust in the Lord, they won't go back to self-harm.  Some patients do extremely well. Others regress. Others have finally decided to do the work they learned here. When they apply it, they do well. It all goes back to choice."

The bottom line: "When kids decide they don't want to cut any more - and they get stressed again -- they have to be able to manage stress as it arises. People who can't figure out some alternative way to manage stress will eventually reach the bottom.  If they have had any Christian up bringing, they will find out that their true friend is Jesus Christ and He has the answers they need to their problems.

 

Proverbs 18:24

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Jesus says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

Parents can help by providing emotional support, helping identify early warning signs, helping kids distract themselves, lowering the child's stress level, providing supervision at critical times, and point them in the direction of Christ.  Don't push Jesus down their throat, so to speak, but let them know He does care and He can help if they give Him a chance.  "But a parent can't do it for them, but you can pray.

 

It takes a certain level of resource to be able to stop cutting, and many kids don't have those resources. They need to stay in therapy until they get to that point."  Self-harm is not a problem that kids simply outgrow.  "Kids who develop this behavior have fewer resources for dealing with stress, fewer coping mechanisms, this is why I suggest that they give Jesus a try.  As they develop better ways of coping, as they get better at self-monitoring, it's easier to eventually give up this behavior. But it's much more complicated than something they will outgrow."

Children & Stress

Like adults, kids also struggle with stress. Too many commitments, conflict in their families, problems with peers, problems at home are all stressors that overwhelm children.

 

The key to helping kids manage stress is teaching them to problem-solve, plan and know when to say yes and no to activities, commitments and people who bother them.  Teaching them how to get help.

 

“If you don’t teach [your kids] how to manage stress, they will self-medicate with food, drugs and alcohol.” In other words, kids will reach for something to make them feel better right away, and usually it won’t be something healthy.

Ways To Help Your Child With Stress

1. Stop overscheduling.

One of the biggest stressors for kids is being overscheduled, Lyons said. And yet, today, kids are expected to pay attention and perform in school for seven hours, excel at extracurricular activities, come home, finish homework, and go to bed just to do it all over again the next day. As Lyons said, “Where’s the downtime?”

 

Kids need downtime to rejuvenate. Their brains and bodies need to rest. And they might not realize this by themselves. So knowing when your child is overscheduled is important, and again the auther of this book suggest you ask God for His help.

Looking at your kids’ schedules, will help, over the course of a week and making sure that there’s enough downtime — “when you’re not watching the clock.” Are there several hours on the weekend or a few nights during the week when your child can simply kick back and relax?

 

Also, “pay attention to how your family is eating their meals. Is everybody eating on the run, in the car, grabbing and going?  That’s an indicator that too much is going on.”

2. Make time for play.

Lyons emphasized the importance of “play that isn’t pressured.” There’s no lesson, competition or end goal, she said. Younger kids will do this naturally. But older kids may forget how to simply play.

 

Combine play with physical activity, which is critical for well-being. Some ideas include: riding your bikes, throwing around the baseball, wrestling and hiking.

3. Make sleep a priority.

Sleep is vital for everything from minimizing stress to boosting mood to improving school performance, Lyons said. If your child isn’t getting enough sleep, that’s another red flag that they’re overscheduled, she said.

 

Again, reducing commitments helps. Also helpful is stressing the importance of sleep, and creating an environment that facilitates it. For instance, keep TV – and other electronics – out of your child’s bedroom. (“There’s no research that says TV is good for kids.”)

4. Teach your kids to listen to their bodies.

Teach your kids “to understand their own bodies and the physiology of stress.”  For instance, sit in the car with your child, and press the gas and brake, and listen to the engine revving. Explain that “our body just revs and revs, and then it wears out and says ‘enough.’”

 

Encourage them to listen to what their bodies are saying. While it’s normal for a child’s stomach to feel jumpy on the first day of school, leaving class because their stomach hurts or waking up repeatedly with a headache is a sign there’s too much going on.

5. Manage your own stress.

“Stress is really contagious.”  “When parents are stressed out, kids are stressed out. If you’re living in an environment with one thing after another, your kid is going to pick up on that.”

 

We underscore the importance of showing your kids how to relax and effectively deal with stress. “They have to see you slowing down.”

6. Make mornings calmer.

A disorganized home is another stressful trigger for kids, and this is especially evident in the mornings. Make mornings smoother, because this “sets the tone for the day.” This piece has specific suggestions.

7. Prepare your kids to deal with mistakes.

For kids a lot of stress comes from the fear of making mistakes, Lyons said. Remind them that they’re not supposed to know “how to do everything or do everything right.”

 

Also, while making good decisions is an important skill to learn, the skill that might be even more important is learning how to recover from a bad decision.

 

”We can really stress out our kids by not helping them understand that screwing up is part of the process.” Help your child learn to figure out the next steps after a bad decision or mistake. Help them figure out how to fix it, make amends, learn the lesson and move on.

 

Overall parents look at the bigger picture. “You can’t live a stressful life and then teach stress management.”

1. Stop overscheduling.

2. Make time for play.

3. Make sleep a priority.

Kids listen to their bodies.

5. Manage your own stress.

6. Make mornings calmer.

7. Prepare your kids to deal with mistakes.

Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Suffer The Little Children

C U T T I N G  ISN'T  THE  ANSWER

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